I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Randomize
