Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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