Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
