what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
