i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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