remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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