Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
