Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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