He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
