I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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