Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
