idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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