I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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