woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
