thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
