What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
