the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
