well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
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Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
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If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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