dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
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