So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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