I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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