Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize