Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
