Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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