Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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