I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
