He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
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No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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