I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
