YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
it's great music for shaving your balls
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
