I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
