Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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