i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
two words: eviction party
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
