She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Did you poop on the roof?
Is that a no?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.