how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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