I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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