Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize