he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
