I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
