haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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