I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
