Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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