life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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