you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
