just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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