Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
