Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
