Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
