I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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