Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
