so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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