Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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