I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
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He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
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On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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