I just saw a hot homeless man
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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