i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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