Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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