If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
