Will you blow on my dice?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
farters have to be the big spoon...
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
