So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
