she woke up with a sticky ear
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
