PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Randomize
