My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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