Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
