im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
