Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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