I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
