So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
