i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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