What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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