We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
