this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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