Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
