george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
