There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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