I will die if light touches me.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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